Innocence Lost
by Pockets
Summary: Carter and Newkirk go on a mission and discover more than they ever should.


A/N – A big, humungous, massive, thank-you going to Marg and Patti without whom this story never would have been published – Well, it probably would have, but it sense good made any English. (just to give an indication of what the first draft must have been like to read). And thanks to Pauline for making me smile.

Now for the grit – Last I heard, a man going by the name of 'Bing' (and his Productions) owned the HH characters. Whoever owns them now, I don't know. Either way, they are not mine. (Can I be any clearer?)

Also this story is probably both geographically and historically inaccurate. So uh…yeah. 

Dedicated to Ady, who never stopped believing. _Forever young my friend - you're free now. _

Innocence Lost 

Colonel Robert E. Hogan, the Senior POW officer at Stalag 13 sat in his private quarters with the door open. He was measuring distances on a map with Kinch his senior Non Com. They were trying to gain an indication of the possible where-about's of two of his men, but no matter what adjustment they made they kept ending up in the same area.

After another negative result Hogan threw down his pencil in disgust and wearily rubbed his eyes. Speaking from behind his hands he asked Kinch, "what if they've been cap-?"

"Don't say it sir! We'd have heard by now anyway. Newkirk has probably just found a damsel in distress and Carter is hanging around not picking up that he's being a nuisance."

Hogan sighed and looked at his friend and ally of two years. "You're right." He offered a weak smile. "But if that's the case, I'll throw him in the cooler myself. He'll be begging Klink to take charge."

Kinch smiled back. He knew they were both deluding themselves. Newkirk and Carter had gone for a routine mission. It had been a bit out of their way, but nothing to make them more than a couple of hours late coming back. And certainly not two days. 

And then there was the information that Colonel Hogan had picked up in London. _Was humanity capable of such horror_? Kinch looked at the map again, at the shaded area and pencil lines and markings drawn by himself and the Colonel over the past half hour. The name of the town stood out like a black mark:

 DACHAU. 

Just as he was reaching for the protractor to try another theory, LeBeau's voice came from across the room. "Colonel, They're back!"

**Three days previously**

"….but if you leave a egg it grows up to be a chicken and feeds a whole heap of people instead of just one." 

Kinch, who was climbing out of the tunnel with a message from London for the Colonel looked at Newkirk and grinned as Newkirk rolled his eyes and shook his head. Carter was explaining his theory as to why eggs were a waste of food. Jumping in on the conversation because he couldn't help teasing Carter. He was just like his kid brother back home – innocent and willing to believe _anything_. 

"O.K Andrew," Kinch said with mock seriousness "What came first – the chicken or the egg?"

Carters face took on a puzzled glazed look. Kinch was certain that if he looked into them hard enough he would see wheels turning inside Carters head as he tried to digest this.

"Oh boy! Kinch I give up! What came first?" Carter gazed at the radioman so trustingly that Kinch wished he could make up an answer rather than deny the virtuousness of the boy.

"One of life's great mysteries Carter" he chuckled. "Without the chicken, who laid the egg? Without the egg, where did the chicken come from?"

LeBeau put away the saucepan he was cleaning, sat down at the table reached for the deck of cards and started shuffling. Glancing at the glazed expression on Carters face he snorted as he dealt them out, "Next he'll be asking where babies come from."

"The Stork" Carter murmured still stumped on the chicken/egg thing.

Newkirk glanced at his cards then looked at Kinch with the same expression Carter had moments before and asked innocently "Yeah, but who knocked up the stork?"

"Newkirk!" Colonel Hogan said as he came striding into the room. "At least _attempt_ to climb out of the gutter, huh?"

Newkirk blushed sheepishly, "Sorry Colonel."

Kinch handed Hogan the paper, "Message from London, Colonel."

He took the note glancing at Carter (still struggling) and sighing as he did so. "Emergency meeting in London. Tomorrow night…...it's a half moon." He looked at Kinch puzzled. Why would London risk being seen? 

Kinch shook his head. "That's all it said Colonel. I asked them to repeat it three times. The weather forecasts rain though," He added trying to be helpful

Newkirk looked up. "Can I come?" he butted in.

"Sorry old man," Hogan answered. "It doesn't say anything about bringing a date. Besides, you have to go with Carter to Dachau to pick up those detonators from the underground."

Newkirk pulled a face. _How boring! Driving with Carter for two hours, picking up some detonators that they could get anywhere, then driving back – another two hours! _"Why can't LeBeau go?" 

"Because I need him to bribe Schultz with strudel if I'm not back in time." Hogan replied calmly

"What about Kinch?" he whined pointing at the Staff Sergeant.

"I'm watching the radio." He replied.

Newkirk got a look on his face like someone who knows that there must be a way around something, but can't quite figure out what it is.

Hogan sighed, "Any more excuses Newkirk?"

Newkirk stared dejectedly at his cards "No." he replied shortly.

Hogan and Kinch exchange looks. "What was that?" Hogan asked, sounding all the world like he was reprimanding a child. 

"No _Sir._" Newkirk replied putting more than enough emphases on the 'Sir', sounding all the world like a child being reprimanded.

Hogan grinned, "That's better." He then turned and headed for the tunnel. 

LeBeau looked at Newkirk with mock sympathy and half shrugged. Newkirk looked at Carter and shook his head. Carter looked at Newkirk and asked "Egg?"

Newkirk threw his cards at Carter.

~~~~~~~

The next night Hogan smoothed the cuff of his dress uniform and strode into the main area of the tunnel system. He looked at Newkirk and Carter, 

"Are you two ready?" They both nodded affirmative. The plan was to leave with the Colonel, drop him off at the landing site which was on their way, then drive onto the town of Dachau, get the detonators from the underground and come straight back to camp. They should be back before the Colonel's return plane took off.

Hogan looked at the camaraderie going on between his men. LeBeau and Newkirk stood by Kinch who was seated at his radio. Newkirk was explaining to Carter that the primary role of the Canadian government was to keep the moose off the road, well teasing actually. And Kinch and LeBeau were backing him up. Carter had a dubious look on his face. He knew they were only kidding, but what if? 

"_Really_ Kinch?" he double checked.

Kinch grinned, "When have I ever lied to you, Andy?"

Carter thought for a minute. "Last week when you told me that Napoleon's last name was 'Bonaparte'."

Hogan frowned "It was." He said confused.

"Yeah, but not because he kept breaking his arm!" Carter replied indignantly. 

"Well, why else did he stand like this?" Kinch struck a 'Napoleon' pose – his left hand resting on his chest.

Kinch, Newkirk and LeBeau sniggered. "Kinch…" Hogan started, but broke off when he realized that Kinch had stopped laughing and was listening intently into his earpiece. He made eye contact with his C.O and nodded. 

"O.K, lets go." Hogan turned and started heading to the exit.

Looking back over his shoulder, Hogan watched Kinch playfully swat Carter's hat then wrestle with him as he tried to walk off. Carter was grinning and only half-heartedly trying to get away. His gaze strayed to LeBeau fussing over Newkirk's jacket and a small tear in the left shoulder, and Newkirk's disgusted protests that if it had lasted him this long it would make the duration. At this rate, they would never get anywhere. Clearing his throat he tried to look stern as they stopped clowning around and hurried to catch up. Turning and starting up the ladder he smiled to himself. For all their bickering they really were like brothers. Now, if he could only figure out what was so important that he had to get to London.    

~~~~~~~

Newkirk and Carter drove along in silence. Newkirk was leaning forward over the wheel trying to concentrate on the road and Carter was sprawled in the passenger seat, his arms flung above his head lazily making patterns on the roof.

They'd dropped Colonel Hogan off at the field and had waited for him to board the plane. Hogan had promised Newkirk that he'd take a deep breath of British air for him Then he told them to be careful and stay dry -- it looked like rain and he wasn't going to nursemaid them all next week while they recovered from the flu simply because they'd decided to jump in puddles – Finally Hogan told them he'd see them tomorrow. Then he jumped out of the truck and ran to the waiting plane. Newkirk had waited until the plane was in the air before he put the truck into first and headed for Dachau.

About half an hour out of town they heard a bang and Newkirk momentarily lost control of the truck. Carter's arms came down and grasped the dashboard as he watched in concern while Newkirk wrestled with the wheel. Pulling to a stop Newkirk said, "I think we blew a tire."

Carter looked at his watch, "We should have just about enough time to change it." 

Newkirk chewed his bottom lip. "There isn't one." 

"What!?! The sky's going to open up any minute now!" Carter protested.

Indeed as they'd driven longer into the night the clouds had seemed to get heavier. The countryside was in for a downpour tonight.

"There isn't one," Newkirk repeated. "That's how we got it from the Motor Pool with out too much trouble – there was no spare tire. Anyway, it can't be that much further away" he shrugged.

Carter nodded, they got out of the truck and started heading down the road. The Colonel had made them memorize the area from a map, so they knew where they were going. The underground was working out of a house in the middle of town, on the other side was a camp. Carter assumed it was like the one they lived in. He started thinking that it was kind of risky working an underground unit so close to such a large station of German guards, but then he remembered where they worked from. 

A crack of lightning lit up the night sky shortly followed by a rumble of thunder. As they approached the edge of town Carter grinned at Newkirk. Newkirk looked sideways at his friend. There was an odd smell in the air that reminded him of something, but he couldn't quite figure out what.

"What are you grinning at?" Newkirk asked.

Carter's eyes shone like a child that had just been told a great secret. "No-one's ever gonna believe us!"

As another bolt exploded adding to the anticipation feel about the atmosphere and Newkirk grinned back, how was it possible after two years for Carter to still maintain the excitement and thrill as if it was their first mission?  

"C'mon," Newkirk replied still smiling. "Lets find this bloody house." As they stepped into the shadows of the outer edges of the town Newkirk looked up at the sky which had just started to spit the first drops of the storm shower. Sighing to himself he wondered if anything else could go wrong tonight.

~~~~~~~

Colonel Hogan stepped off the plane and saluted the General waiting for him on the tarmac. Returning the salute, General Jackson G. Harrison then held out his hand and shook Hogan's warmly "Rob. Good to see you again."

Hogan returned the gesture. "You too Jack, but what's going on, why the urgency?"

Harrison's face blanched "Maybe you should come inside."

In the briefing room Hogan exchanged formalities with the Director General of MI-6 Major General Stewart Menzies and two other top-secret spies – A General William Kennings and a Colonel Clyde-James Smith. 

Noticing the graveness in the room he repeated, "What's going on?"

The men all looked at each other uneasily Hogan was getting impatient "Yo people, I have a little thing called roll-call that I'm due at in just over 4 hours. Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

General Kennings stood up ready to reprimand the insubordination, but Harrison put a hand on his arm. Shaking his head he waited until Kennings was seated before turning to Hogan and saying, "Rob, things are starting to look grave. This war should be over within twelve months, but we're not the only ones who know it."

"Jack, can you stop talking double-dutch and explain to me why I had to leave my men alone in the middle of Germany in a POW camp and fly half way across the continent to a de-briefing. What can possibly be that important?" asked Hogan perturbed.

Hogan noticed the men stiffen at the phrase POW but didn't think anything of it until Smith spoke up, 

"Just roll the film Jack."

Harrison nodded. "Rob, I don't want you to panic. What you're about to see is a crime against humanity, but we have no indication that it will affect allied airmen."

Hogan took a deep breath and asked in a controlled voice "Jack. What are you talking about?"

The General continued, "Like I said before, this war can't last much longer. We're starting to get scouts behind the enemies lines to prepare us for when we march into Berlin…..."

He faltered "Rob, it's bad."

Hogan grinned lopsidedly, "Please. I live in a prison camp. How bad can it be?" 

Harrison didn't reply. Instead he turned to the MP standing at the door and said, "Hit the lights." Turning back to Hogan repeated, "Rob…….it's bad."

Hogan looked at the screen and for the next 14 minutes watching the Western World's first footage of the horror that was the Third Reich.  Purges, torture and human suffering were the themes, but these were no actors, and this was no movie. Shot on 'B' grade film concealed in clothing or backpacks the footage wasn't always clear, but the message was clear enough - Hogan was witnessing what was possibly humanity's darkest hour yet.

When it was over, Hogan took a minute to collect his thoughts. That map in the last shot had shown Dachau. He'd sent two of his men into a death-trap.

Looking at Harrison he said with raw emotion, "I've gotta get back to my men."

Harrison nodded. "I know Rob, but if there looks to be even the slightest chance that this starts happening at the Luft Stalags, fold the operation and _get out_."

Hogan looked at his friend with glazed eyes and nodded his mind was ticking over 'Newkirk and Carter were in Dachau. Newkirk. Carter. Dachau.' 

He had to get back to his men.

~~~~~~~

Carter and Newkirk slowly backed down the street. They'd been halfway down it when from both ends Gestapo cars had come racing stopping outside the house they were to go into. Carter looked at Newkirk stricken. Newkirk had nodded re-assuringly despite the fact that he felt as though he'd just swallowed something and it had decided to move. 

Fading into the shadows of a doorway Newkirk scanned the street frantically for a getaway route as he impatiently wiped the hair from his forehead where it had stuck from the rain. He blanched as he heard the screams of a young boy being dragged from the house. His mind ticked over _'Boy. London. Bobbys. Sewer.' _It was risky with the amount of rain that was falling, an enclosed area would act like straw pushing or sucking them any which way possible if a deluge hit. He looked back up the street where the guards were starting to line the people up against the wall. Newkirk felt raw fear wash over him. _What choice do we have?_

Looking down wildly, he saw a drain about two meters from where they were standing. Grabbing Carter by the shoulders he looked into dismayed eyes that must have been a mirror of his own and signaled with his head that Carter was to follow him. Cater nodded wordlessly, but was still shocked when Newkirk dropped to the ground, rolled over the wet ground twice then disappeared beneath the street. Taking a deep breath he glanced up the street wildly one last time and copied his friends actions. The last thing he'd seen was an old woman splashing wildly in puddles as she was dragged across the ground by her hair.

_The Colonel had said not to play in puddles._

Landing in muck he didn't want to think about he looked about wildly trying to make out Newkirk in the darkness. A microsecond of relief washed over him when he felt Newkirk grab his wrist and he became aware of the heavy breathing of his friend, but that passed when he realized the situation they had landed in. Still holding Carter's wrist Newkirk took off into the sewer system. He knew from experience that with this much rain falling there should be a steady stream of water running. Subconsciously he was confused as to why there wasn't, but all he could think of at the moment was getting away from that street, and that scene. 

Carter could do nothing but run along side his friend and hope he knew where he was leading them. Finally stopping they both leaned their hands against their knees and took gulping breaths. 

Carter was the first to hear the noise. It sounded like a waterfall, but how could that be right, they were underground? Newkirk was preoccupied dry-retching due to a combination of the smell, the fear and what he had just witnessed. Carter looked at him standing with his arm at head level, leaning against the wall for support and looked at his stance. For the second time that night, Carter's mind repeated _'The Colonel had said not to stand in puddles.'_…Puddles! Newkirk was standing in a puddle. Carter looked around and realized that the sewerage was only trickling. It had been pouring when they slipped underground, why wasn't the water running. Suddenly he realized what the noise was. 

"We've gotta get out!" Newkirk looked at him with a dazed expression. His eyes wandered over Carter's shoulder and widened. Carter glanced back and saw a wall of black coming towards them. In a split second that seemed to happen in slow motion he grabbed Newkirk and pushed him up the nearest opening to the surface. He unconsciously made a whimpering noise at the back of his throat as he tried to get a grip on something to pull himself up on. The noise was a roar now. Any second it would hit. Finally he felt Newkirk's hand around his fore arm and he was half out, half in. Using reserves he pulled from nowhere he hoisted himself over the final two feet and glanced back as water and grime spewed out into the street. He'd made it.

He looked at Newkirk who was breathing heavily and looking erratically up and down the street. Realizing they couldn't stand out in the open Carter quickly disappeared into a hedge growing along the side of the street. It was still early enough in the autumn to have enough greenery to cover them both. He felt a thud as Newkirk landed beside him and they both lay there heaving into the wet earth. Carter looked at his watch. 0300. They'd been underground longer than he'd thought. And if they'd been under that long……..He looked around and felt despondency wash over him - they were on the other side of the town. 

"Newkirk," he whispered, "We have to stay here." Newkirk looked up stricken. Carter continued, if he'd stopped to think about it, he'd have amazed at his own calmness, but at the moment, he was running on adrenalin. "It'll be O.K." Carter continued, "we'll just lie up here all day then make our way back tonight." Newkirk started shivering and nodded. 

He realized what Carter said was right. Carter put his arm over his friend in a hope to re-assure him of his presence. It worked, within five minutes Newkirk had slipped into an exhausted sleep.

~~~~~~~

Hogan slipped down the emergency ladder and headed up the tunnel in a broken run. Bursting into the main entrance he found Kinch on the radio and LeBeau warming coffee. Both looked up startled at both his arrival and the manner in which it came. 

"Are they back yet? They were due back an hour ago." Hogan asked nervously.

LeBeau spoke up, "We know sir, we thought you were them. _You're _not due back for another two hours." He looked at Kinch puzzled.

But Kinch was looking at his C.O with a concerned look on his face. "What London had to say was bad?"

Hogan looked at his friend and simply stated, "it was worse than bad, Kinch. It was worse…."

Two hours later the three men sat in silence and looked at each other. It was time for roll-call. Carter and Newkirk still weren't back. As Hogan had changed out of his dress uniform he tried to explain to Kinch and LeBeau what he had seen on the film reel. Watching them struggle to envision what he'd seen, he understood why London had made him see it with his own eyes, if he'd have found out any other way he wouldn't have believed them. 

Climbing out of the tunnel LeBeau asked if he should start heating the strudel. Hogan said to wait and see if they could swing it past Shultz anyway. Standing in the yard he turned the collar of his bomber jacket up and glanced up at the sky that was sprinkling rain. Trying to clear his head of the visions on the film he asked himself how he'd live with himself if anything happened to Carter or Newkirk. Carter, the happy go lucky country boy and Newkirk, the attention seeking wayward brother. Both were vital to his operation, but more than that both had become part of his family. How would he live with himself, how would he face tomorrow?

He had no answer. 

~~~~~~~

Newkirk stirred. Carter glanced at him momentarily, but couldn't drag his eyes from what he was witnessing, what he had been witnessing for the past 4 hours since daybreak. The hedge they were hiding in was  the perimeter of the town. On the outskirt of the town there was a camp. 

As the sun had risen, hidden by a gray cloud covering, Carter had stared at the camp which was perhaps 70 yards away and wondered which one it was or if there were any American airmen in it. 

From the beginning he knew something was horribly wrong, these guards weren't like anything he'd seen before, and the prisoners….the prisoners, Carter was having trouble believing they were human. He tried listening to see if he could hear what language they were speaking, but he couldn't make out where they were from by their screams. Perhaps anguish was the world's one common language. He would have added laughter, but the guards were laughing at the prisoners. The guards were _laughing_ at their pain.

He watched them move slowly, not by choice, but because they were too malnourished to do so any quicker. He watched as one fell. Watched as the guards kicked him to try and make him rise. It must have gone on for about 10 minutes; finally they gave up and walked away. Carter, biting hard on his hand to keep his emotions in check, knew the prisoner would never walk again. Had Carter heard the term 'living dead' before, he would have known that was what he was looking at. But he was a farm boy and science fiction wasn't a big part of his world.

All morning this went on Carter witnessed horror after horror. Wild Dogs being set free into crowds of people. Children wailing as they searched for a relative, or simply a familiar face. Bullets meant for one person going through five. Guards standing over people as they dug holes in the ground. At first Carter thought they were digging trenches, then with distress he realized they were digging their own graves. All day he watched this, becoming detached from his body, both due to exhaustion and shock. His mind clicked into over-drive, and when Newkirk finally woke up just after 1100 hours he comforted his friend as Newkirk dry retched from horror and shock.

Still Carter held on, he was a soldier and this was a war zone. He had to make sure his friend got home.

~~~~~~~

Dusk finally fell. Carter tested his tense muscles and spasmed as pain shot through his body. Newkirk jumped at the movement and gripped Carter's hand tighter. He'd grabbed it just after he'd woken up and hadn't let go since. Their forearms were touching and their fingers were alternately consigned over the other's knuckles; Carter's left and Newkirk's right. Newkirk tightened his grip. It was as if he was scared to let go in case Carter disappeared and he would be on his own. He couldn't handle being on his own. 

Carter looked at him and whispered re-assuringly  "It's O.K Newkirk, we're gonna go home now. I'll take you back to the Colonel and LeBeau can cook us a nice _warm _dinner and you can go to bed. And Kinch will be there, nothing's gonna get past Kinch, he'll protect us."

Newkirk looked back at Carter and Carter saw him relax slightly as he mentioned the names of their friends waiting for them back at Stalag 13. Taking a deep breath Newkirk nodded and indicated he was ready to move. Carter grinned back, and they moved from the spot that had been both their sanctuary and incarceration for the past 16 hours. 

They made it through the town by sticking to the shadows on the outskirts the whole way around. When they got to the truck, still sitting abandoned on the side of the deserted road, Carter walked by it but Newkirk stopped "We didn't get the detonators" he said

"It's O.K," Carter replied softly trying not to think _why _they didn't have them "The Colonel will understand."

That seemed to satisfy Newkirk and they continued on. As they fell into a steady rhythm Carter tried to make sense of what he'd seen. He couldn't begin to justify it, but he tried to make sense. Yet, every time he thought he had a path figured out, it linked back to the country's leaders and military masterminds. Had they known this was going on? Why hadn't they done something? How long had it been happening? More than anything he feared Colonel Hogan knew, and if that was the case, Carter knew he'd never trust anything ever again. 

After half an hour he gave up.

~~~~~~~

Hogan looked at his watch. It had now been over 24 hours since they'd been due back. He looked at Kinch and LeBeau who were trying not to stare miserably at the empty table.  The candlelight was casting eerie shadows around the room, adding to the depression, but it was the only way to get around the 'lights out' rule at 3.00am. 

Standing up abruptly he strode into his office gesturing that LeBeau and Kinch were welcome to join him should they choose. Kinch raised his eyebrows at LeBeau. LeBeau smiled reassuringly and indicated that he was going to go down in the tunnels. Kinch smiled back and patted him on the shoulder as he rose to assist his C.O.

LeBeau watched him leave and slumped down at the table. They'd both been acting cautiously cheerful to try and ease some of the guilt their Colonel was feeling, but it was taking it's toll on them too.

Sighing he got up and made his way down the ladder. If they came back tonight, he didn't want them to walk into an empty room. Not if they'd seen first hand some of the things the Colonel was talking about.

~~~~~~~

Carter and Newkirk approached the forest around Stalag 13 and made their way towards the tree-stump. As they got closer, Newkirk suddenly froze and started shaking when he saw the barbed wire. 

Carter grabbed his hand again and whispered fiercely "Peter, you're not going to give up now, not now. Just another few yards and we'll be home free, huh."

Carter looked at his watch it would be time for roll call soon. He had to get Newkirk in and calmed down in time to get him out again for morning roll call.  

Ignoring the churning that had occurred in _his_ gut when he'd spotted Stalag 13 through the trees, he pulled Newkirk over to the trunk and helped him climb into the tunnel.

He felt a flash of De-ja-vu as he fell blindly into the darkness, but this time it was he who grabbed Newkirk's hand, not the other way around. 

As they started walking down the tunnel, he felt the uncontrollable urge to laugh. They were covered in grime, freezing cold physically and emotionally destroyed, but they'd made it. He heard LeBeau call out "Colonel, They're back!"

COLONEL. The word echoed in Carter's ears. Suddenly he felt very old, but at the same time he'd never been so unsure about anything before in his life. The question that had been bugging him earlier returned _'What if he'd known?'_

They rounded the last corner into the main complex. They both stopped in the entrance and watched Kinch and Hogan scramble down the ladder. LeBeau was staring at them as if they were new kids in the schoolyard on the first day.

They stood framed in the doorway, their hair was sticking up at all angles, they were shivering from being outside for close to 30 hours and they were exhausted both from lack of sleep and what they had witnessed. The left arm of Newkirk's jacket was flapping open exposing his whole arm. He had torn it pulling Carter out of the drain. Carter took in his surroundings as if he was seeing them for the first time. He glanced at the table, he glanced at the crack over the beam holding up the opposite entrance, and he glanced at the soil exposed in one of the walls. 

He didn't want to look at his C.O.

Carter studied Newkirk who was making no attempt to wipe away the tears that were still continuously running down his face, then finally looked at Hogan with a childlike confused expression. His eyes flickered over to Kinch was observing all movements and deciding what to do - like a runner about to steal base. Then back to Hogan. "We didn't get the detonators," he said in a flat voice.

"It's O.K." Hogan replied softly he signaled for Kinch to get some blankets for Newkirk who was shivering again, but Kinch was one step ahead of him and was all ready wrapping his arms around Newkirk trying to sooth him as he shuddered into his shoulder. LeBeau went to make coffee. Leaving Carter and Hogan staring at each other. 

Hogan haltingly took a step forward, his face was a display of raw emotion. Guilt, sorrow, remorse, "I didn't know Carter, I'm so very sorry, but I didn't know."

Carter looked back at him. He knew it was the truth, but it didn't feel relief. He wasn't angry, he wasn't mad, accusing, happy to be safe, or sad. All those were emotions, and right now Carter felt empty.

"We're gonna be late for roll call," he said blandly and headed for the tunnel entrance.

Hogan sighed and watched him go through troubled eyes.

~~~~~~~

Once roll call was over the men of Barracks Two filed back in. Newkirk and Carter were exhausted and Hogan passed the order not to bother them too much. That didn't stop LeBeau from fussing over them like a mother hen. Hogan noted that Newkirk let him. He realized they must have seen something, but how much and for how long? Newkirk seemed to fall apart if Kinch or Carter weren't in the general vicinity. After they'd finally gotten him to sleep (It had taken two cups of LeBeau's cocoa and Kinch's reassurances that he wasn't going anywhere to do it) everyone nervously looked at Carter.

Carter sighed and without emotion told the room what he and Newkirk had seen. LeBeau turned a special shade of white; Kinch looked from Carter to Newkirk and then to Hogan with a stricken look on his face. Hogan felt overwhelmed with remorse for putting his men through such an ordeal. Why couldn't it have been him? If he had known that this was going on, he never would have sent _any_ of his men, least of all the two that were most like sons to him.

As he finished up Carter, looked around the room. "May I get some sleep now?" he asked in a small voice, like a little kid that had had too big a day.

Hogan nodded. He spoke softly as if to a child "Do you want to sleep in my quarters, the bottom bunk is free." 

Carter looked at Newkirk whose face still showed nervous anxiety, even in his sleep. "What if Peter wakes up?" he asked in that same small voice.

Hogan looked at Kinch who nodded - they both realized that Carter was going to have a major blow out soon, and Kinch understood that Hogan wanted it to be sooner rather than later. "I'll be here." Kinch replied nodding at Carter reassuringly. "Why don't you go with the Colonel, and get some sleep?" 

Carter looked between Kinch and Hogan with that same bewildered solemn face he'd had down in the tunnels and nodded.

Hogan put his arm around his shoulders and guided him to his quarters. Closing the door he looked at Carter who was standing alone in the middle of the room staring at him. "Are you sure you're O.K?" he asked again.

Carter's eye's started watering, but he nodded just the same. Hogan just watched and waited. Then it happened, Carters face crumbled.

There was no other way Hogan could think to describe it. His body kind of deflated like a tire being punctured but his face….crumbled. The nearest thing Hogan could think to liken it to was when his two-year-old nephew fell and scraped his knee. There would be a pause to register the shock, then the astonishment would pass and the knowledge the innocence of doing what he wanted would be too much and the tears would come. When that happened, all the adults could do to make him feel better was hold him. Hold him and let him know that he was going to be O.K.

Hogan looked at Carter and his chest constricted. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and tell him that it was going to be O.K, but they were soldiers and soldiers didn't have that luxury. Not for the first time in this war he hated Hitler, hated the Third Reich and hated this war for taking away the life of a country boy who should be blowing up fireworks in a field, not bridges on a strange continent. 

"Hey…let it all out" Hogan placed his hand on Carters shoulder and guided him to his bottom bunk. Then there was nothing he could do but sit there, with his right hand clasped on the younger man's shoulder offering friendship, as words were inadequate. He felt the sobs and shudders of close to two years of captivity, fear and homesickness rake the frail body that had had to grow up way to fast. 

"Why?" A small muffled question crept past the hands that were covering the normally youthful face. It was so soft Hogan didn't fully register he had spoken until he looked up with a tear streaked face and snot hanging out of his nose and repeated

"Why?" Carter repeated.

There was no answer that would come close to adequate, not for what was needed. Carter was his son, his brother, himself…and he was hurting. He wanted to know that it was going to be O.K, that the human race hadn't evolved to this, but how else to describe what they had seen? He was searching for a truth that he didn't want to believe.

Handing Carter his hanky he said softly "I don't know Andrew. All I know is we've gotta keep going. Today was a day, and we saw it! Then tomorrow's gonna come and we have to look at it too. There's some bad people out there, and stuff happens that makes you want to take a hold of the universe and say 'Hey! What are you doing!?!'"

A half grin crept into Carters face encouraging Hogan to go on, but not before he'd indicated him to lie down. Hogan grabbed his blanket from the top bunk and laid it on top of the one he'd already tucked around the shivering body. "If I could end this stupid war tomorrow and send everybody home, I would. If I could dismantle the camps and rebuild the cities and let children trust again, I'd do it in a snap. But this isn't about me and this isn't about you. We're part of something bigger, something much bigger and if I could even begin to understand it I'd shed some light your way, but for now you're just gonna have to trust me when I tell you 'it'll be O.K' I don't know how I know but I do. Humanity will get through this, or we'll die trying. It won't happen over night, it probably won't even happen in our lifetime, but we have to keep trying anyway. If we fall apart every time we see something that's not fair, how are we going to face tomorrow?"

Carter sniffed as fresh tears rolled down his face. That last line was such a throw away statement "But Colonel, they're _people_! Isn't there something we can do?"

Hogan paused before he spoke and brushed the fringe from Carter's eyes, "We're doing it kid. It doesn't seem like enough, but we're doing it."

Then he sat with his friend and brother until he fell asleep. Hogan had things to do today, but when Carter woke up, the first thing Hogan wanted him to see was his Colonel. Then maybe, _just maybe_ he could start believing in the goodness of mankind again.


End file.
